Don’t Compound Grief with Guilt

One of the first thoughts we often have when we lose a pet is that we could have done something different. This is especially so when we are unable to afford expensive treatment or an illness was diagnosed at an advanced stage. Guilt compounds grief. Thinking about grief as a manifestation of our love and the loss of someone we loved, then guilt is the opposite of that because it comes from a place of “not good enough”.

It’s easier to say don’t be guilty than it is to not feel that emotion, especially since the grief we experience when we lose a pet often isn’t straight forward. Our animal companions are very good at hiding their illnesses from us, so we may not catch diseases or infections in an early stage. There may be financial or other barriers to receiving treatment. And other people may be judgmental of how we handled the situation, even though they weren’t right there with us the entire time.

That’s where guilt occurs.

The truth is most pet caretakers are doing the best they can with the information that they have. And accidents happen. What is important and where it is vital to focus is on the love you had for the pet. The truth is none of us are perfect. No one can do the 100% correct thing all the time. What we can do is ensure that we’re acting out of kindness and love, and that includes extending that same kindness to ourselves.

Think about a good friend. What would happen if they were in this situation? Would you blame them or make them feel guilty for the decisions they made? I don’t think so. You would try to reassure them that they did the best they could, that there are things no one can know for certain, and that they loved their pet. That’s how we should treat ourselves as well.

Guilt comes with it the baggage of feeling “not good enough”. Remember, to your pet, there’s every chance that to them you were their entire world. You were good enough. You were theirs. Hold onto this love and make sure you extend it to yourself. Honor your pet’s life by caring for yourself, too.