When The Tears Fall Like Rain

Many of us have been taught that crying is bad. When we were children, crying may have even gotten us in trouble. Though we cringe to hear it today, we were told “I’ll give you something to cry about” as if whatever was causing our grief wasn’t important enough to cause tears to fall. And too many people feel that way about losing a beloved pet too. Whether it’s anticipatory grief as you watch a beloved older companion decline or the raw, fresh grief of a recent loss, or even remembering a pet we lost long ago, having the tears fall is a perfectly normal response to losing someone we loved. And you loved your pet a lot. I know you did.

How do we handle it when the tears suddenly appear?

Tears are a natural, biological response to strong emotions. They don’t have to appear because of a sorrowful event, but can also come in times of great joy or strong emotion. They have a healing effect, releasing toxins and hormones (including cortisol, a stress hormone) and can soothe our nervous system. Crying helps us to release oxytocin and endorphins, both of which help us ease painful emotions. (Psychology Today)

If you are in a place and situation where you can openly cry, and the tears begin to flow, I encourage you to allow this. Even if you’re not a person who likes to cry or feels stigma around crying (often brought about by your experiences when you were younger), I encourage you to set aside any judgment you might feel and instead, simply allow yourself to cry for as long, as loud, and as strongly as you need to.

You might notice that the tears will wax and wane, much like a rainstorm that starts out heavier, and then eases for a bit. A strong band of rain might move through, and so the rain might fall faster and harder, but then it eases, and eventually stops. Your tears are like that too. They will change in frequency and strength. Let this process happen. It’s your body’s way of emotional regulation.

If you cannot feel as if you can cry, such as in the middle of a busy store or driving, then I encourage you to not bottle up the tears. Instead, postpone them. Tell yourself that you understand that the grief has emerged and needs to be expressed, but that it’s not possible at the moment. Take several deep breaths. If you can safely put your hand on your heart, do so. And then assure yourself that you will express the grief when it is safe and okay to do so, such as when you get home. If you can go into the bathroom or your car to cry (without driving), then you may wish to do that, but I understand that you may also be concerned about having people see you. Remember, your grief is your own and no one else gets to judge it.

Tears are a healthy emotional release. We often feel better after we have cried and let out the sorrow and grief. That doesn’t make it go away completely, but it is a step that helps us to grow and learn to companion our grief.

Would you like to join in a grief circle? Grief circles are often safe places to release your tears. There are no judgements in the circles, only people sharing their grief journey. Check out our events page for when the next circle will be and sign up! You’re welcome to join us.